84: Reverse What's My Name: Heading into Surgery

[Michael's Servant]

In this episode we discuss Hennessy's relapse, anxieties as surgery rapidly approaches, and announce the first guest host of Keith and A Girl.

For more information or to donate to Chemda please visit YouCaring.com/TheGirl

Guests:
Chemda


Libby



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[iamgrilledcheese]

Hey, how do I try the beta version of the Android app?

[Jessica332]

I don't even know how to phase this because there are so many things going on here. Chemda seems to blame her Mom and Dad for not seeming to care about what is going on with her health. Where in reality it is just her Dad. Her Mom does not know so that is a little unfair. That being said I will never understand a mother not knowing what is going on with her child and not loving her child for who they are. Also I am not sure why Andrew felt like he should not share this with his mother. It's almost like he is saying I will let the man decide what the woman can handle. On one hand I blame Chemda's Mom because things should have never been this way. On the other hand I blame Andrew and Chemda's Dad for not letting her know her child is having major medical issues.

[Jessica332]

I agree Chemda's parents have been horrible parents to her in her adult life. I just think it is wrong to allow her Dad to make the decision for her Mom on if she wants to know what is going on with her daughter. Yes, she should already know because she never should have lost contact with Chemda but her Dad was given the information. Does this family still believe the man should make the decisions for the woman? Chemda and her brothers don't seem like they would believe that way. I am not defending Chemda's mom I just feel like she should have been given the information so she could decide what to do with it.

[shoebootie]

As someone who has a shit of a mother, it always hits me right in the feels every single time Chemda talks about the situation with her parents. I understand how much it hurts, I understand writing someone off but never actually closing that door all the way because "what if they change..." it's the naive hope of a good person.

I'm with Apia, if you need another pinch hitter to mom it up for you, count me in.

[kevinquinn]

Haven't heard the whole thing but thanks for speaking so frankly about alcoholism (& Hennessy for allowing it to be spoken about). Speaking from experience - I feel like alcoholics need a reason to be sober & Hennessy thought he might lose his reason. Anyway, it's a tough road for all involved & I wish you well on it.

[craigdw]

Wow. What a touching and emotional episode!

The whole KATG family never ceases to amaze me.

I'm an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in two and a half years. I'm lucky I stopped before I hurt myself or anyone else too badly. It really sucks having this disease, but it's so much better on the sober side, even if it seems a little boring at times.

I don't miss the drinking so much, but -- and this is weird and took me a long time to realize -- I sort of miss having the dark, lonely secret. I think other alcoholics might understand what I mean. It's kind of like Dexter's Dark Passenger, only I never hacked anyone to bits, honest.

Chemda, Hennessy, Keith, Libby, Danny and Rosa -- you honestly feel like family to me. I really love, worry and care about you guys, even though I know you can all take care of yourselves just fine.

Anyhoo .. so that's MY downer feedback!

[The Girl]

Thank you so much for listening to my story!
I agree that Libby is amazing!
I really appreciate the love that you listen with and the encouragement that you show me.
I have since talked to Michael about my parents. It came up in the hospital and we talked about what and how to say things to our parents in the future. More on that soon.
I appreciate the mommy offers. Thank you! It's super sweet. I do think friends can and do act as mommies in certain circumstances.

I remember one time I got nervous and told Hennessy that I was afraid that I was mommying him about something and he said that throughout our lives we will play different roles to each other. Sometimes they will be parental. And that's not bad because we would be giving each other what we need for the moment. And that it doesn't have to be a permanent part we play but rather be part of the varying positions that we will take on as partners.
That gave me more fluidity with him. It allowed me to not feel weird, stuck, or negative about what we need from each other and how we choose to love each other in different scenarios.

It has helped our relationship get deeper and allows us to give each other what we need and not feel worried about being stuck as one official role throughout our lives.