1269: Not Interested

[Keith]

"My dick hurts. It's been hurting for a while."


Comedian Pat Dixon

[Junkenstein]

The creppy thing to me isnt even the "celebrities" like Campbell that sell an autograph for 40 dollars, but the fact that those autographs are sold on ebay for an even higher price.

I think the fault is in who gives the money, even more than the celebrities. As long as some idiot pays you for taking pictures with him, he deserves the robbing. Gene Simmons made a business out of that.

Maybe i dont get the scene thing, though. I read comic books but i never went to a con and the idea itself gives me the creeps.

[EllisCarver]

Footballs are very flighty. They bounce from place to place with no sense of direction.

I abstain.

[baronduke]

I was gonna say they are of equal intelligence since a football is made of a pig and pigs shit were they eat like football players, but after thinking of my life for a bit, I realized I'd rather have a conversation with a football.

[mcbane89]

Quick quiz. The answer is either Football Player or Football. This might help determine who is smarter...

1a) I became upset when the stripper I had been tossing money at onstage decided that money belonged to her, and tried to pick it up. The audacity! So in response I decided to take her head and slam it into the stage floor, and may or may not have had a friend come back and shootup the club... and to my surprise I was suspended! Football Player or Football?

1b) On my way to a meeting with the NFL Commissioner about how I had changed since the incident in question 1a, I decided to stop by ANOTHER strip club, and punched ANOTHER woman in the face... to my surprise I stayed suspended! Football Player or Football?

2) I forgot the names of 3 of my 7 children... although to be fair they are all the same age... I think. Football Player or Football?

3) I invested hundreds of thousands of dollars blindly into the following endeavors: A mouthpiece that makes you run faster, a cosmetic procedure that absorbes oxygen into the skin, and a technology that would replace credit cards with fingerprints... because those obviously sound like real things. Football Player or Football?

4) I was accused of sexual assault and managed to beat the case! Yay me! Only a few months later I then figured nothing could possibly go wrong with cornering a girl (underage this time, but if there's grass on the field play ball! Am I right?!) in a bar bathroom and requesting sexual favors of her... Shoot, I just have no luck at all! Football Player or Football?

5) My average career is 3 years. My average yearly salary is $770,000. That means for my career I make roughly $2.31 Million. Yet, somehow, 8 times out of 10, I'm completely broke about 2 years after I retire... you think maybe it was the 17 Bentleys, 5 child support payments, and the investments in question #3? Football Player or Football?

6) I changed my name from "Johnson" to "Ochocinco" to "Whatever Ochocinco is in Japanese"... wait, that's different than "Ochocinco"? Football Player or Football?

7) I'm Michael Vick. Football Player or Football?

If you answered Football Player to all questions: Congratulations! You have the sense God gave a Football!

If you answered Football to any question: I'm sorry Mr. Favre, please go back and try again. Yes, crayon is fine to use.

[Blitzgal]

Regarding the MS lawyer thing -- so the lawyer has a history of dealing with free speech issues, including representing the Klan when they were being barred from holding a rally. The judge is a Southern Baptist Sunday school teacher. If the lawyer is an asshole who has an axe to grind, then so is the judge. However, legally the lawyer is in the right. According to a Supreme Court ruling made in the 1940's, you can't force people to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

So in another example, who is the asshole in this story?
http://www.ketv.com/r/25322305/detail.html

[marina]

I knew a lady who put nail glue (which is basically superglue) into her eye on accident.

To her credit, she was in a hotel room and everything was all laid out on the same counter, and she hadn't put her contacts in yet, so she reached out, grabbed a bottle shaped like her eye drops and fucked herself completely.

She ended up being fine, but it was touch and go for a little bit.

Here's what nail glue looks like:


And as for the First Amendment and the Pledge of Allegiance: I think it's called something like the Amish Addendum, or the Amish Clause or something, which is basically that no one in America can be punished for choosing not to pledge allegiance. It came about because Amish people are not allowed to pledge allegiance to anything but God, and Amish children were getting in trouble for not saying the pledge when they attended public school.

But that guy does look like a dick. So who knows.

Originally Posted by mcbane89

Quick quiz. The answer is either Football Player or Football. This might help determine who is smarter...

Win.

[lattaland]

If you ever want to know what it's like to be a sexy chick, go to a comic convention and walk down the artist alley. All those hungry eyes, staring you down, want you to notice them ever so bad. Sigh.

[fluxquanta]

Originally Posted by lattaland

If you ever want to know what it's like to be a sexy chick, go to a comic convention and walk down the artist alley. All those hungry eyes, staring you down, want you to notice them ever so bad. Sigh.

That's pretty hilarious, and most likely true.

[Insomniac108]

Originally Posted by mcbane89

Quick quiz. The answer is either Football Player or Football. This might help determine who is smarter...

If you answered Football to any question: I'm sorry Mr. Favre, please go back and try again. Yes, crayon is fine to use.

I literally fell on the floor laughing. Well done