1304: Lie to Me

Keith · 12-08-2010, 04:53 PM

"I have my hands down my pants! What's the law?"

Welcome To The Official Website Of Comedian Carmen Lynch

Comedian Pat Dixon

Bucho · 12-09-2010, 03:35 AM

I was surprised when Chemda and Carmen liked Pat's miscarriage idea. I figured it would go down more like this.

Mommmmmmmmm: When are you going to have a baby?

Chemda: I was pregnant Mom, but I had a miscarriage.

Mommmmmmmmm: See what happens when you leave it so long?

By the way let me mention this: Pat Dixon, still in my top three guests even though he gives questionable advice. Because he's

FUCKING HILARIOUS!

God, is he hilarious.

lizsquiz · 12-09-2010, 05:25 AM

When I was 17, me and my friend tried to get a photo with Santa, and we weren't allowed because we were "too old".

I now realise that means "it's inappropriate for you and your hot friend to sit on the lap of this old dude, especially when he will have a small child on his lap seconds later"

Tech007 · 12-09-2010, 08:19 AM

Chemda's thievery/trust issue reminded me of a common saying in the sandy regions.

Trust in Allah but always tie your camel.

DWarrior · 12-09-2010, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucho

I was surprised when Chemda and Carmen liked Pat's miscarriage idea. I figured it would go down more like this.

Mommmmmmmmm: When are you going to have a baby?

Chemda: I was pregnant Mom, but I had a miscarriage.

Mommmmmmmmm: See what happens when you leave it so long?

Chemda: What do we do now?

...

Thumbnail · 12-09-2010, 09:40 AM

I'm sorry guys but Pat's miscarriage idea is great, especially if you're ethnic (Carmen understands it too - spanish and portuguese people are basically the same). After my miscarriage people were so scared to hurt my feelings I never got asked again, and it's been almost one year. And I don't fucking care: I just love that no one asks me about babies anymore.

The other day I got to use it as a weapon (oh how I dreamed of this day). A lady at the grocery store asked "How about baaaaaaaaabies...?" "Well, I had a very big problem regarding babies in February. As you can see I am not pregnant and there's not a child in my arms so you can imagine what happened". I'm almost sure she cried after I left. And a couple of weeks later a cousin asked loudly at a restaurant table "SO! WHEN ARE YOU GIVING ME A LITTLE COUSIN?" and I yelled back from across the table "I DON'T KNOW. AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE ONE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS!"

My in laws have been trying to conceive for the past 4 years, with no success. The sister-in-law says my presence is very welcome because no one dares to ask her about babies in front of me, they're afraid I may be hurt.

So, yes, miscarriage is a very powerful weapon and actually a very good idea to get people off your back. It's kinda sad but it's totally true.

ThePinkSuperhero · 12-09-2010, 01:00 PM

You can't win with parents. My Dad's great disappointment in me is that I'm not here in NYC pursuing being a big star on Broadway. Sorry, Dad, I enjoy my stable, office job. I even might want to get an MBA someday. But all he wants is to see my name in lights. Ah well.

Blitzgal · 12-09-2010, 02:41 PM

So, the library book broad. She was caught on this outstanding warrant because she was pulled over on 11/23 for driving without a license, expired registration, and expired inspection sticker. When they ran her name they got her on the library warrant as well.

I cringed when Keith kept calling her a bitch on the show, but with this additional information I kind of have to agree with him. What, did her driving paperwork get destroyed in the fire, too?

If you lose library books, you owe the money it will take to replace them in the system. That's how it works, so submitting letters from the Red Cross to explain how your house burned down isn't going to cut it, lady.

Positive Control · 12-09-2010, 06:32 PM

What?!? I can't believe what I'm hearing. The Library should hire a collections agency to go after people? That is so stupid. The library fine is a fine from the government, you can't just ignore a speeding ticket. But the cops gave the speeding ticket? Okay, so I won't pay any of my credit card bills, rent, ordinance violations, etc. because it wasn't a COP that gave me the bill. How about you don't steal books? So stupid. Pay your fines, or don't commit the crime.

fluxquanta · 12-09-2010, 06:34 PM

My sister had the same thing happen with library books that got lost in a house fire. The library basically didn't give a shit, and made her pay for the full cost of the books.

As far as stupid rules and laws go, I remember my first year of college they had a list of rules of things explicitly forbidden from the dorm rooms. Typical stuff like drug paraphernalia and candles, but the last item was "no hot tubs". I was like, "Why are hot tubs, of all things, explicitly forbidden in a dorm room?" Apparently someone the year before me built a homemade hot tub in their dorm room, which of course broke, and flooded the floors below the room, so they made a note to add it to the student manual.

View Poll Results: Was this Santa Claus innapropriate?
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12-08-2010, 04:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
Keith PARTY! SUPER PARTY! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NYC, baby! Posts: 13,758	1304: Lie to Me "I have my hands down my pants! What's the law?" Welcome To The Official Website Of Comedian Carmen Lynch Comedian Pat Dixon
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12-09-2010, 03:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bucho Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Aotearoa Posts: 3,892	I was surprised when Chemda and Carmen liked Pat's miscarriage idea. I figured it would go down more like this. Mommmmmmmmm: When are you going to have a baby? Chemda: I was pregnant Mom, but I had a miscarriage. Mommmmmmmmm: See what happens when you leave it so long? By the way let me mention this: Pat Dixon, still in my top three guests even though he gives questionable advice. Because he's FUCKING HILARIOUS! God, is he hilarious.
(Offline)

12-09-2010, 05:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
lizsquiz Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA Posts: 941	When I was 17, me and my friend tried to get a photo with Santa, and we weren't allowed because we were "too old". I now realise that means "it's inappropriate for you and your hot friend to sit on the lap of this old dude, especially when he will have a small child on his lap seconds later"
(Offline)

12-09-2010, 08:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
Tech007 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ottawa, Canada Posts: 844	Chemda's thievery/trust issue reminded me of a common saying in the sandy regions. Trust in Allah but always tie your camel.
(Offline)


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12-09-2010, 09:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
Thumbnail Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Portugal Posts: 393	I'm sorry guys but Pat's miscarriage idea is great, especially if you're ethnic (Carmen understands it too - spanish and portuguese people are basically the same). After my miscarriage people were so scared to hurt my feelings I never got asked again, and it's been almost one year. And I don't fucking care: I just love that no one asks me about babies anymore. The other day I got to use it as a weapon (oh how I dreamed of this day). A lady at the grocery store asked "How about baaaaaaaaabies...?" "Well, I had a very big problem regarding babies in February. As you can see I am not pregnant and there's not a child in my arms so you can imagine what happened". I'm almost sure she cried after I left. And a couple of weeks later a cousin asked loudly at a restaurant table "SO! WHEN ARE YOU GIVING ME A LITTLE COUSIN?" and I yelled back from across the table "I DON'T KNOW. AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE ONE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS!" My in laws have been trying to conceive for the past 4 years, with no success. The sister-in-law says my presence is very welcome because no one dares to ask her about babies in front of me, they're afraid I may be hurt. So, yes, miscarriage is a very powerful weapon and actually a very good idea to get people off your back. It's kinda sad but it's totally true.
(Offline)

12-09-2010, 01:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
ThePinkSuperhero Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 321	You can't win with parents. My Dad's great disappointment in me is that I'm not here in NYC pursuing being a big star on Broadway. Sorry, Dad, I enjoy my stable, office job. I even might want to get an MBA someday. But all he wants is to see my name in lights. Ah well.
(Offline)

12-09-2010, 02:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
Blitzgal Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Madison, WI Posts: 3,294	So, the library book broad. She was caught on this outstanding warrant because she was pulled over on 11/23 for driving without a license, expired registration, and expired inspection sticker. When they ran her name they got her on the library warrant as well. I cringed when Keith kept calling her a bitch on the show, but with this additional information I kind of have to agree with him. What, did her driving paperwork get destroyed in the fire, too? If you lose library books, you owe the money it will take to replace them in the system. That's how it works, so submitting letters from the Red Cross to explain how your house burned down isn't going to cut it, lady. __________________ "'Wah! I'm not good enough, so I blame YOU!' - by the way, that's a baby accent." - Chemda
(Offline)

12-09-2010, 06:32 PM	#9 (permalink)
Positive Control Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Utah Posts: 61	What?!? I can't believe what I'm hearing. The Library should hire a collections agency to go after people? That is so stupid. The library fine is a fine from the government, you can't just ignore a speeding ticket. But the cops gave the speeding ticket? Okay, so I won't pay any of my credit card bills, rent, ordinance violations, etc. because it wasn't a COP that gave me the bill. How about you don't steal books? So stupid. Pay your fines, or don't commit the crime. Last edited by Positive Control; 12-09-2010 at 06:33 PM. Reason: Added a question mark.
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12-09-2010, 06:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
fluxquanta Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,122	My sister had the same thing happen with library books that got lost in a house fire. The library basically didn't give a shit, and made her pay for the full cost of the books. As far as stupid rules and laws go, I remember my first year of college they had a list of rules of things explicitly forbidden from the dorm rooms. Typical stuff like drug paraphernalia and candles, but the last item was "no hot tubs". I was like, "Why are hot tubs, of all things, explicitly forbidden in a dorm room?" Apparently someone the year before me built a homemade hot tub in their dorm room, which of course broke, and flooded the floors below the room, so they made a note to add it to the student manual. __________________
(Offline)

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