22: How To Make Friends

[The Girl]

Andrew Warner, founder of Mixergy.com (and Chemda's brother) talks about going from having an aversion to and a disdain of socializing to learning how to become comfortable and even masterful at the art.

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[Keith]

I have no problem yappin' with people, but I sincerely think I learned the smartest social tip of all time.

[andsoitgoes]

Very cool episode. Although there was a bit of a weirdness with Chemda's sound... Even with that, I think any person WILL learn a lot here. A fantastic 36 minutes.

[BrianAlt]

Excellent episode. It's interesting how Andrew approached this as someone would an exercise routine.

And, yes, something was going on with Chemda's mic. It would cut out. More often when Andrew was talking, but sometimes when he wasn't. Didn't really affect listening to the episode.

[Bucho]

I often do that thing Andrew was talking about that he described as something like going back along the other person's timeline, but I think I developed that habit out of innate curiosity moreso than a social strategy. I never lost that thing we have as kids where we love to hear stories, so the same part of my brain that loved hearing my grandmother's stories of her childhood growing up (as a Dutch colonist in the jungles of Indonesia, no less) is the part of my brain that will end up with me wanting to know about how someone I'm meeting for the first time got to where they are.

I'll especially ask it of people who are successful in some way, not just financially but people who've acheived some goal or goals, whether it's a business thing or a sports thing or a travel thing or an artistic thing. You don't just get entertained by the story, you learn stuff from them also. Every new couple I meet I'll have asked them how they met within 10 minutes. I'll have asked anyone I talk to for more than 15 minutes where they grew up. That shit is always interesting to me in terms of really knowing another person and it fires off the imagination too.

I don't think I was even conscious I did this until I started listening to the Adam Carolla podcast 2 or 3 years ago and he would always make a substantial part of his interviews be explicitly about his guest's "journey" and I realised that he was genuinely interested in where people were coming from, not just doing the job of "Interviewer". I was thinking, this guy's not just like me in that he's a builder and has a 17 Lamborghinis in his garage, he also loves stories of people's journeys. Then I thought about how, as a kid, I had read at least as many biographies as fiction books. I really like to hear people tell of their journeys.

And this show was Andrew telling about part of his journey. A staple of KATG has always been stories of your childhoods and how you developed and changed and learned and grew as people and as artists. Even the journey of KATG itself is something I never get tired of hearing about. Coming up to seven years it's actually some kind of epic thinking about what you guys have created and accomplished. It's been a real joy and an inspiration to be along for that ride all this time.


eta: Just remembered I'm even the goon who made the How Did You Discover KATG? thread. It's like a disease this curiosity about how people got to places.

[Junkenstein]

Great episode. I also think a bit of the affection Chemda has for Andrew showed up, while shes still the best interviewer in the biz.

Also Andrew's name is shooki? nice.

[rubbintheboywanker]

Great episode. Excellent tips for overcoming social shyness or akwardness.
The shows keep getting better each episode.

[lizzy1e]

I recently listened to the audio book for How To Win Friends And Influence People and tried out the tips for the first day or two and they worked wonderfully.... then I got a bit lazy again and unmotivated. This show has inspired me to get back into it, Andrew was a great guest and it was really impressive to hear how committed he was to improving his social skills.

[FingerLakes]

wonderful ep! After a year of hearing Michael it was great to hear from your other bro, Chemda.

I feel like I exist inbetween the two of you. I'm suuuper emotional and don't find it hard to talk to people about certain things. (unless I am interested in them romantically or am star struck in some other way).I'm terrrible at small talk and am honestly annoyed by it some times, but can get into conversation about fucked up childhoods or trauma or drama at work in an instant. I also often feel like an outsider when people chit-chat about and the little dumb everyday things. I don't understand why they're wasting time with such inane topics