82: Reverse What's My Name: The MRI Results & The Husband

[Michael's Servant]

In this episode we discuss Chemda’s mixed emotions about the latest results, realizations about how she’s been coping, and how the tumor has been affecting her relationship. In the second half of the episode we hear from her husband Hennessy and how he’s been dealing with the diagnosis.

For more information or to donate to Chemda please visit YouCaring.com/TheGirl

Guests:
Chemda


Hennessy


Libby



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[kabobbins]

Wow Libby! #1 - Thank you for doing this show, you and Chemda.
#2 - You are amazing Libby. You ask all the questions that pop into my head as I'm listening. I love being able to see inside everyone's emotional brains. I hope it isn't too revealing for Chemda or Hennessy. However, I'm sure we are all beyond grateful to hear how this fucking tumor is effecting the whole lot of youz guyz. Thanks Hennessy for your story. I have been thinking of the whole entire KATG gang! <3

[Thumbnail]

I've been sick to my stomach ever since we all heard the news and I wish Chemda wasn't going through this but this episode just made me want to hug Hennessy forever.

I empathize entirely with him, I too am a fixer upper, let's-get-through-this kind of person, always positive and smiling when I'm dying on the inside. Watching the video only brings it home, I felt so sad for him. Chemda needs a lot of love but I really felt relieved to know that people are focusing on Hennessy too.

Libby, I always enjoyed listening to you on KATG but these shows reflect not only what a great friend you are but also your listening and interviewing skills. You're doing a great job of asking all the questions we all have.

[Lura]

TL;DR Take care of yourself, not everyone else. Let others help. Look at the drawing.

Chemda, I know you are, by nature, The Hostess; always concerned that everyone else is comfortable and has their needs met. That is admirable but for the duration of this stage of your life, STOP IT! Everyone wants to say and do just the right thing but there will be awful clunkers. Everyone will want to visit you, keep you company, cheer you up, but only you will know what you need and it will change from minute to minute so tell them if you need them to leave. Or come up with a signal for your husband or bestie that you need them to nicely kick the people out. Your friends may feel awkward for a moment but they love you and want what is best for you.

I have found the attached article very helpful. It's where I got the idea of "Comfort in, dump out". What is happening is like a hurricane and you are at the eye of the storm. Everyone else is on a ring around you; the closer they are to you in life, the closer ring they are on. So Hennessy is circling right by your side, your BFFs are in a circle around that, and so on. It is our job to offer comfort and maybe even offer assistance to those on the circles closer than we, and you and those closest to you are free to cry or scream or complain or even just be grumpy to everyone further out. You don't owe us anything.

While it may be true that I am sad and scared about what is happening to you it would be horribly selfish of me to expect you to comfort me when you are the one in need of comfort. Of course the lines are a little blurred with those closest to you. You and Hennessy are one so you'll naturally take care of each other, and you'll always look after your best friends.


How not to say the wrong thing - latimes This the article I mentioned above.