2855: The Machine w/ Bert Kreischer

[Keith]

The #1 Party Animal; weight and sobriety bets; Bert vs. AA; people pleasing and OCD; how not to cure an STD; Bert's gay male porn viewing; how not to raise kids; Michelle Wolf; Avengers: Infinity War and I Feel Pretty reviews


Guest:
Bert Kreischer



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[astrokahn]

I just wanted to add this in case the person who was asking about support for quitting drinking is on the forms too:

It sounds like you're in that beginning stage of "should I quit drinking, do I have a problem? "In which case yeah you probably do because you're asking the question.

I found that the Reddit sub "Stop drinking" was the most effective community for me when I was trying to decide on quitting drinking. It was actually the thing that helped me define my own alcoholism because I didn't realize that the things that I was doing were common and classic alcoholic behaviors, like hiding bottles and lying about drinking. It's a very supportive group and you don't have to participate if you don't want to, sometimes just reading other people's experiences is really helpful and recognizing your own behavior.

Also, (and completely opposite of what I just said there lol) I think it's really important to not always gauge your own alcoholism in terms of what you think in alcoholic looks like. Or more importantly, what other people think an alcoholic looks like. One of the things that prevented me from quitting drinking for years and years is that I didn't behave the way that I believed alcoholics behaved. I drank consistently, every day for years, but since I never fell down drunk, I did not believe that I was an alcoholic, and when I try to talk to my friends or family about alcoholism, they insisted I did not have a problem. But waking up every night anxious and regretful, worrying about what I said or did the night before not because I blacked out but because I became so defiant when I was drinking, those things don't show up in the same way that people think in alcoholic looks like. Feeling like shit but not looking like shit doesn't show on the outside always. It's hard for others to see the alcoholism in how an immune system breaks down over time and gives you canker sores or side cramps or muscle fatigue.

Bottom line, if that voice keeps telling you you have a problem, listen to it.

[Sparrow]

this episode was fucking fantastic. ten thousand gold stars, guys.

the ritual stuff hit me right in the gut. my goodnight childhood prayer was a nightmare for me. i asked God to bless the same people every night, but the list kept getting longer and i couldn't leave anyone out, in order, every single night or something bad would happen to them. super stressful. it's called magical thinking. like when i would get mad at my brother i would wish that his mario guy would die in the game and then immediately feel a cold terror that i just set something in motion wherein my actual brother would end up dead, so i'd crawl into my closet to panic about it for a while.

the fucking 4's! like, Bert's 6's. they're significant enough to present in my every day choices but who the goddamn hell knows why. i tattooed one on my leg like an anxiety release valve. LOLOCD

[Sparrow]

fun fact: the synesthesia i experience causes 4's to present as yellow. i really don't like it. i super can't change it. it's like having a strawberry seed stuck in your brain.

[thirteen]

Such an interesting guest.

Also, some of these LA wives are saints. We're hearing one side of it and I imagine they have their own issues too, but oooooo weeeeee.

[Beth Yaz-Pistachio]

Commenting before I even start listening to this ep, because yay, The Machine! (Wonder if he will ever stop getting demands to tell that story. Heh.)

Mostly, I really like Bert a lot! (Also like Tom Segura a lot. Rogan is sometimes....a little difficult to deal with. Hm.)

Been a ridiculously stupid day. Gonna go listen now. Woohoo!!

[Enunciated Piffle]

Michelle Wolf is a comedy gangster. When the camera goes to the crowd, (like after her abortion joke) that room is ice cold. I think it affected her delivery but I love her quasi-Fran Drescher voice and the fact she is making zero apologies. Her material covered everyone- including herself. It was fair.

It’s crazy we live in a time where the President is a self professed “pussy-grabber” and yet a female comic can’t say “pussy” on stage.

There’s a lot of powerful people in that room. That’s gotta be like the toughest room ever. Michelle’s got guts. It’s comedy like this that makes me proud to be a comedy fan.

There’s a weird irony that our American media can’t handle an American citizen’s material, with the excuse being, “she can’t use those words.”

[LoopyLou79]

Sorry Bert but you didn’t people please me.

I really tried but he came across as the worst kind of misogynist to me. Not interesting at all, disrespectful attitudes towards women. He’s going to be supporting quite a few therapists with their mortgages in the years to come.

[Beth Yaz-Pistachio]

Originally Posted by LoopyLou79

Sorry Bert but you didn’t people please me.

I really tried but he came across as the worst kind of misogynist to me. Not interesting at all, disrespectful attitudes towards women. He’s going to be supporting quite a few therapists with their mortgages in the years to come.

Heh. I've listened to quite a few of his Bertcasts in the past, and he really is basically a good guy. He does definitely have some downfalls, but he is mostly aware of them, and tries pretty hard to call himself on some of his own shit.

(I also like much of his standup comedy.)

One of my fave things he does when he travels for dates is to take up a collection from the audience and give the resulting wad of cash (often hundreds of $$) to someone on the wait-staff that night.

Also, his wife LuAnne (unsure of spelling) is fucking awesome (she just started her own podcast recently, as well), and he has two daughters who are also pretty awesome.

[Enunciated Piffle]

Bert is 100% an alcoholic. He has Tito’s vodka endorsement simply from yelling out “Lemme get a Tito’s” at each and every show. Throughout the show. Joe Rogan, Ari, and Tom Segura were legitimately concerned Bert might die if quit drinking,(only opiates/ alcohol withdrawal will kill you) for their 30 day soberiety. THE CONTEST WAS CALLED SOBERT sober/Bert for crying out loud!!!

So when Keith asks if not drinking would affect his self image; of course it would. Joe Rogan has commented numerous times that he thinks Bert’s ‘Number 1 Party Guy’ title fame has negatively affected Bert. He’s trying to live up to hype. He’s also been called out for drinking a couple ‘pre show drinks’ before a show. Him saying he performs “without a drink” is a lie.

I personally could give a shit but he’s oddly in denial for a comic.

“My wife and I have un-assisted sleeps.” What’s that? “That’s when we don’t take Xanax to sleep.” Uh huh.

I gotta say. I’ve heard his The Machine story over a dozen times. It’s fucking hilarious- each and ever time. Poor Bert. Just classic addict/ alcoholic behavior. Doesn’t even realize it.