2477: Mr. Clean

[CherryLavender]

I knew this was coming....

Originally Posted by Rosa

uhmm... this sounds super PRACTICAL. planning is practical. preparedness is practical. do you know what is not practical? being unprepared.

Let's imagine chemda went to the doc to schedule the surgery, i.e. to "get more info." The doc says, we need to operate in two days (this is not uncommon; a close friend had an ovarian tumor that had to be operated on one day after it was discovered). She comes to Keith and says:
'heyyyy, so we have two days to figure out what we are doing for the next month or two (scheduling, admin/financials, contacting people, coming up with contingency plans, etc.), since I will be in the hospital and then recovering (and I don't want this hanging over my head while I'm recovering, because stress negatively impacts healing, and i don't know how much energy I'll have anyhow... we really should just be prepared for my total and complete absence). Oh and I also have to mentally prepare to be sliced open, and get my personal things in order, pack, etc. I know we could have started discussing our options and made some tentative plans, lined a few things up, after my very first doctor's visit, when the doctor advised me to do exactly this ('notify your work, no matter what other info you receive in the coming weeks, you will be out for an extended period of time'), but Keith, I just wasn't emotionally ready to confront the reality of the situation. I know I said we should wait until we had all the info (even though we had the critical info, which was that there would be some hiatus, at least a month, plausibly much longer), but really I wasn't emotionally ready. i needed to indulge in a few more moments of normalcy, maybe even have some moments where I forget this is happening to me. maybe just hang on to the idea that it's not as serious as it seems. Making a plan means it's real. it makes it concrete. its scary. I didn't want this to be real. '

That would not have been a very practical response. it could have been a problem.



...NOT super practical. and in fact, this response may be emotional in nature. Avoidance, accompanied by rationalization ('we should wait till we have all the info' ...even though we have enough info to get started), is a common emotional response to an issue that causes anxiety. I don't want to shrink keith, because I would not presume to know what was going on in his head (honestly, I'm sure it was a lot and I really don't want to minimize that). but in terms of Amanda's "masculine"/"feminine" assessment of the actions, at face value, I just don't follow the logic. and it underscores how people still don't understand what chemda was asking for and why.

in a crisis, it is difficult to put one's emotions aside, confront the issue head on, and come up with a plan. but that is exactly what's needed. chemda was trying to be pragmatic. this is her businesses first (sure, it's also her friends and family, but it is first and foremost her livelihood and in a sense, her life's work). she sought to do the practical and professional thing: get her ducks in a row. what more info did they need to start planning? it sounds like chemda just did it without keith anyway, so clearly it was possible. she just wanted him to participate, to show her that level of professional respect/commitment.

it sounds like many people on here thought chemda was looking for emotional support. perhaps because we expect women to be more emotional. but she was looking for practical support. she was asking her business partner to confront the reality of the situation. and sure, there's an emotional component to chemda's response... having things planned out would reduce her anxiety and Keith's willingness to be an agent in that would make her feel more emotionally supported. but that really is secondary to the practical nature of her response.

TLDR; Chemda is mad practical. Keith, who knows. Maaaybe he's the emotional one. maybe. boys can be emotional. its allowed now.

[Rosa]

Originally Posted by CherryLavender

I knew this was coming....

I hope I did not dissapoint

[Keith]

I enjoy she had to copy the whole thing again.

[CherryLavender]

Never Rosa!

Originally Posted by Rosa

I hope I did not dissapoint

[The Girl]

Thank you, Rosa.

I'm blown away by how people are listening to me. I specifically said what I needed and was still considered too emotional to be hear.

Unreal.

[CherryLavender]

Chemda I didn't come mean to come across as agreeing with either one of you in my earlier post. I was just interested in how the masculine / feminine roles were coming out.

Keith absolutely should have honored your request For a meeting.

[Keith]

To be hear?

Hmmm...

I'll assume heard.

Anyway, rest. There's a lot going on right now...

But seriously, Cherry is right. Looking back, it was so rude to not honor a simple request of meeting with my partner.

[amnesiac]

Originally Posted by The Girl

Thank you, Rosa.

I'm blown away by how people are listening to me. I specifically said what I needed and was still considered too emotional to be hear.

Unreal.

What I hear happening a lot on this show is Keith interpreting situations differently than Chemda and then dismissing her interpretation of it. He'll read different things into a conversation, make different assumptions, and remember conversations differently. It causes much of the "conflict" between Keith and Chemda.

This "problem" is the source of a lot of good dialogue, funny and otherwise. It may seem to listeners and guests like Chemda and Keith are fighting (and maybe sometimes they are) but I guess that in real life you guys communicate pretty well. Otherwise, how could you stand each other for so long?

One thing that Keith does along these same lines is telling Chemda and other people how they feel, then dismissing them when they disagree. This gets on my nerves; it's not nice. I wish I could think of a specific example because it's not like Keith literally says "you feel this way" or "you don't feel that way". He conveys a sense of "I don't feel that way about this situation so how could you possibly feel that way? You must be dumb or silly".

Maybe it's for comedy?

[Keith]

Maybe.